Seven Years!?

It is with a bit of trepidation I have begun another edit of my young adult novel, We are the Warriors. This time I have the unique advantage of working with a professional editor. My family and friends had assisted often enough, until I think I wore them out. Their assistance over the past seven years of my novel has been very valuable. It was time to get some additional, experienced advice.

So I have my first copy from my editor in hand...Suggestions to cut 9,000 words, reflections on lapses of time or skips in relationship development, corrections as to terminology...all very good.

The challenge is to get creative again about a text I really want to be done with.

Seven years. I keep saying seven, I've worked on this novel, but I'm afraid to go back and count, it may be more...

Three writers conferences, three meetings with literary agents, suggestions to improve, query letters sent out to agents, finally a request for my manuscript from a literary agent at a conference. That was an exciting day! Later, the email back, suggesting changes to improve the novel, and a request to resubmit if I make substantial changes.

Between moving and closing offices for a year, I finally had a new version. I cut characters, dropped scenes, added more dramatic tension, sent it off to the literary agency. No response. No response. Ask for an acknowledgement. No response. Has the publishing industry changed so much that it no longer has basic courtesy when it has an author's manuscript?

So now the question remains, as we work toward a fresh polished copy, whether to continue 'cold' query letters to agents or to self-publish in some fashion. Whatever happens, I intend to have the best novel that I feel I am capable of at that time...and one that is actually finished!

Getting Started...

This last fall I took on the task of refinishing an old desk. First I stripped the old finish, then sanded again and again, finally I carefully laid the new coats of finish on one at a time. I focused on each small section of the desk; the scroll around the desktop, the drawers, the back, each leg, bit by bit, piece by piece. When I eventually finished the desk, it was beautiful, but it took me four times longer than I had guessed.

As I was working, I'd go out to the garage, saying, "I'll sand one layer and be back in two hours." Three hours later I would come in, only half way done with one layer of sanding. I was continually underestimating the time and effort for each section of the refinishing project.

Whether it is writing or some other creative task or project, sometimes the endeavor seems way too huge and even beginning it is a challenge.

At least two things vex us as we set out on a new activity; one, our desire to do something well and two, a fledgling appreciation of what a daunting task our project may be.

I enjoy the author of Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott's explanation of a method to start an undertaking, in this case a writing project. She uses the term "one-inch picture frame." This is all you need to write about, what you can see through a one-inch picture frame. It may be just one paragraph describing a setting or a short physical description of a character. Don't think about the entire novel, a competed short story or your entire autobiography—only one small, short piece of it. Just focus on that little bit. This simple, small type of attention can energize many different endeavors.

The plus of this technique is that you can see movement, progress. You can wrap your mind around a reasonable goal. The joy of accomplishing a portion of your plan gives you more energy to continue it.

The minus is that you really don't know the magnitude of the entire project until you are done. You get sucked into a gradually expanding vortex, always meeting small goals, moving forward, deeper and deeper into the enterprise, not realizing the entire cost.

I provide one caveat when you embark on a creative venture or writing project, one-inch frame at a time, or as the cross country kids use to chant, "An elephant—one bite at a time!" WARNING:  This undertaking will probably take more hours, cost more money, require more sweat and more determination than you had ever guessed. This direction will take more out of you physically and mentally than you ever imagined. You will not be the same person you were because of this path you chose. Hopefully you will be a richer, deeper, more grounded person.

Who will judge the "worth" of your project or your effort when you have "completed" it? Hopefully your heart and soul will be the judge, maybe not without questions and doubts along the way, but the sole assessment is largely with you. That is the GLORY and the BITTER-SWEETNESS of it all, YOU get to determine the value of your efforts, not anyone else.

Spring! Green with Envy?

Emily Danforth, the author of The Miseducation of Cameron Post, made a humorous mention at a recent writer's workshop of the veiled or not so veiled envy among writing friends about each other's "success" or lack thereof. I couldn't help but laugh about the true chord she had struck.

If we as writers, artists or simply human beings have not experienced envy—I wonder whether we have been attentive to our inner voices and tumultuous feelings regarding the often challenging path of creating and attempting to share our creations. Envy is that emotion that bubbles up when a person wants or desires what another has; seeing another's achievement, recognition or success and wondering, "Why not me?"

The world and work of writers and artists is ready soil to allow envy to spring up. How does one judge the quality or value of a written piece or artistic endeavor? We all like different types of writing, different types of art. How do you determine the worth of something? Does its price reflect value, the quantity sold or actually getting published, or are these just measuring stones based on what a few people like, what the gatekeepers want or what popular opinion is—made popular by whom?

Shakespeare, in The Merchant of Venice, mentions "green-eyed jealousy." Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably, each associated with the color green. In past history, green complexion, such as when one is pale and sickly was associated with fear, ill humor and illness. Envy can at times cause emotional pain, lack of self-worth and lower self-esteem. Some have described two types of envy; malicious and benign. Benign envy has been proposed to be a positive motivational force. An envious person can become unhappy or as Bertrand Russell suggested, envy can be used as a driving force to create a more just social system.

An interesting, related topic is a study about gender norms and modesty which inhibits women from promoting themselves or their accomplishments. A published study noted in a recent issue of the Bozone newspaper (Feb. 1, 2014, Vol. 21, No. 3) by Jessi L. Smith, professor of psychology at Montana State University and Meghan Huntoon, MSU student, looked at cultural norms regarding women promoting their own accomplishments and the discomfort they experience in expressing their abilities.

"Society disapproves of women who are perceived to be bragging about themselves," Smith states. Conversely men who brag about their accomplishments are perceived as confident and capable. The study authors suggest that people in authority positions need to create environments that enable women to promote their talents as a normal action. Since cultural shifts take time, Smith suggests that meanwhile people should emphasize the abilities of their female friends and colleagues to other individuals or groups.

Unfortunately, women who speak about their abilities are seen as arrogant and domineering and men are seen as confident and experienced. Is this a hidden barrier to sharing our artistic potential?

Our choice, even when we experience the twangs of envy, is to follow our art, our craft, our passion - giving it our best, growing and learning to be better at what we choose to do, and also encouraging others on their path, with their successes, striving to help create a more just and favorable climate to recognize the talents of a variety of people. Greater freedom can be created when we have an eye to the inequitable norms and expectations we put on women and develop avenues to support the wellspring of each other's gifts.

We are always left with the old meditative wisdom; feel it, recognize it, name it, let it be, and not react based on our feelings, neither physical nor mental, but still act. In this we become one with wu wei, the non-doing action of the Tao itself, the source of all good.

Patience or Perseverance?

Some time ago I was in a coffee shop, bent over my laptop, busy working on yet another edit of my young adult novel. A person I knew wandered by and upon hearing about my current rewrite, remarked, "You really have perseverance!" I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or if it reflected a certain unwillingness to quit or give up in the face of what could be mediocre ability or skill.

This last month my journal had an interesting page heading, (to whom it would be attributed, I don't know), that read, "Patience is a skill, perseverance an art."

An interesting reflection. What is the difference between a skill and an art? Between patience and perseverance?

I envision a skill as that which can be practiced, studied, learned over time, somewhat perfected, fine tuned. Now, an art? That seems a little more complex.

Art is a mixture of gift, time, attention, inspiration, and also skill. Art can only be somewhat taught or learned; much of it is an expression of the self, different from the performing of a skill, although it can be practiced, it is unfettered, free, a gift of the muse.

So where does that leave perseverance? Is it an art or a skill or maybe both?

Patience seems to allude to an attitude toward things we cannot change, circumstances we face, often without choice. Is this where a “learned skill” is helpful and necessary, as we learn to better undertake certain tasks or situations thrust upon us?

So then, is perseverance a creative choice and a type of drivenness? Is it at times valuable or desirable? It is nice for me to think of my sticking to the process of novel writing as an art. I also hope I have developed more skill in telling an engaging story over the years. The act of setting thoughts and dreams into words, and editing and re-editing has sharpened my skills as a writer.

Is perseverance a gift? Or a curse of sorts? Hard to say. I know people I would call good writers. But many of them don't often write to be published. Are they smarter than me as to the true time and challenges of writing and being read? Are they more realistic? Or do they have other projects they'd rather pursue?

I'm not sure if the answer is obvious. But those of us engaged in writing to be read and/or long term writing projects or other consuming projects cannot but occasionally stop and wonder if our time and effort is well spent. We see many around us who stop, don't start or do other things with their time. How do we answer the riddle, "Is our time well spent? Is the art of perseverance well directed or are we pulled forward by an artistic muse that does not count the cost?"

Will It Hurt?

Deeply immersed over the past two months in a new edit of my young adult novel, "We Are the Warriors," I found myself burning the midnight oil as I plunged somewhat bravely forward. I often find the task of trimming and cutting well-chosen words, scenes and even characters particularly challenging. A short poem I wrote three years ago during an edit (of yes, the same novel) probably describes my experience better.

Daring to Edit

The murderous blade,

That unholy instrument in the writer's hand,

Who dares to take that first cut?

Will it hurt

as carefully chosen words fall

to the floor, rejected?

Where to begin this bloody carnage?

It must start.

We resist, hoping it is not true.

Hoping the diagnosis is wrong.

Will these trimmed limbs

ever be useful again?

Or will they be lost forever?

Such intimate extensions,

Gone, lost, forgotten.

Honestly, my feelings about editing have changed a bit over the past three years. It is still difficult to cut carefully crafted scenes and characters that have been part of a novel for nearly five years, but having a novel that flows and is clear is more valuable than the pain of losing meticulously selected prose. I found the editing this time around rather interesting as I took out unnecessary characters, then inserted a familiar character into a scene.

It was fascinating how the characters had such developed personalities that the dialogue, comments and exchanges became transformed to reflect how differently these people would interact with others. It was a delight to see how the shape of the story shifted and the richness of the individual personalities grew.

I'm not much of a coffee drinker, but occasionally a nicely ground, beautifully aromatic, enticing cup of coffee can help initiate the editing process. During this reflective endeavor I have come to appreciate the gift of editing as an integral part of writing.

Oh, my little foray into the social magazines/tabloids was rather interesting. I found I enjoyed the articles about women, especially strong women, articles about movies and books and the pieces about hot psychological drama. I also found myself attracted to the odd fashion photos, even though I'm not very "fashionable." Just seeing what some celebrities would wear was a kick.

As I thought about writing my own "society article," I realized how little is truly new in human nature and the world. I guess the names, faces and places change. The creative challenge with writing is to have it sound new, exciting and enticing. Maybe letting the unique personalities speak in their voice and also in the "common" voice we all share is the gift of our writing the words down.

The short story I invented was about a strong woman who spray painted the street in front of a church, picketed outside the church on Sunday and took out ads. Needless to say she received threats in response to her activities to fight oppression and injustice and warnings about losing her ultimate salvation. Sounds too true to be made up.

How do strong, intelligent women live in the world? Our lives are a true story.

When Good is Bad...

Alongside some amazing, very intense and even violent weather, the frequent positive summer attractions have captivated my attention. The smorgasbord of delightful interruptions throughout the warm months definitely competes with my attempts to set pen to paper. The distractions of gardens and lawns with which to play, soaking up pervasive sunshine whether it is on a hike, walk or bike ride - and of course, there is the awesome food of the season...gorgeous cherries, blueberries, raspberries (I still am looking for that perfect batch of peaches…maybe an awesome peach truck will appear soon.) and all the great dishes to be made from fresh fruit and the fun time spent grilling outside and visiting, all conspire to keep me away from writing.

During this time and in between my pleasant warm weather diversions, I have played a bit with Julia Cameron's Right to Write. It was her "Bad Writing" chapter that spoke rather invitingly to me. She discussed how writing doesn't always have to know where it is going. We are taught that good writing consists of progressing in nice orderly thoughts and structures. But often, Julia surmised, this type of writing does not engage us emotionally.

So in order to be a good writer it helps to let yourself be a bad writer. Just let everything out - then sort it out later if it needs sorting. "So much 'good' writing doesn't seem to care. It is too cerebral, calculated, and calibrated," Julia states.

Cameron marvels at the juicy, intense, shocking writing of the tabloids. The surprises, high-stakes stories and jolting revelations, the good "bad" writing that populates the grocery story tabloids can be fertile ground for a fresh look at prose.

She suggests a writing exercise to assist in by-passing the "perfectionism" writer's block...buy three tabloids, or if you can't find them, buy a People or Us magazine. Cut out ten stories you like and save them in a file folder, reflecting over a period of time on what attracts you to these pieces. Then later, set aside some time, about half an hour, to write your own imaginary tabloid story as rapidly, uncensored and freely as possible.

True confessions; I've never read a tabloid. Is that a sheltered existence? Or a serious lack of curiosity? Or possibly a sign of too scrupulous of a character basis? As is...often they just seemed too fakey and untrue to me. So with a little reluctance I contemplated the least offensive place to look for a tabloid. My first attempt at an out-of-the-way convenience store and gas station left me empty handed, not a single tabloid there.

Several busy days kept me from looking more earnestly. Eventually I found myself taking cover in a bookstore during a torrential downpour. So I took the easy way out and bought copies of People and Us, still definitely outside my typical genre for reading.

The rest of the story of my foray into good "bad" writing remains to be created. I do wonder what stories will attract me, what I will learn about writing and what my "shocking" tabloid story will read like. We'll see...I do have yet to read a tabloid, one of these days...What kind of imaginary tabloid story would you write? Who would be the characters? What plot, action or storyline would you invent?

The Risk of Writing

I clearly remember the trepidation I felt as one of my first newspaper articles with a philosophical-theological angle was published. Living in a small town where so many people know each other, I was a bit edgy about what others would think about my views and my diverse assimilation of various spiritual traditions and paths.

As it turns out, in some sense, we are what we write. Someone once said that all writing is autobiographical. No matter what we write, whether it is fiction or non-fiction, short stories, novels, newspaper articles or poetry, it all expresses something of who we are and what we believe or conversely don't believe. Even if the presentation of the subject is in apparently amoral or sociopathic terms, it still reflects how we think.

So then, what propels us to write, to cross this chasm of scrutiny and public judgment? Are we imparted with the desire to express the paradox, wonder, and musings of what our world appears to be?

George Steiner, in his "Lessons of the Masters," points out that all writing is "didactic," that is it intends to teach. It is claimed that as writers we should not moralize in our fiction, nor be so calculating as to write with an express purpose to change an individual's view through a story. In reality, how can we but not subtly lend influence with our own views and values?

Steiner goes on to insist, "The pulse of teaching is persuasion. The teacher solicits attention, agreement, and, optimally collaborative dissent. He or she invites trust..." As writers we imbue our pieces with the trust that we will be read with an open mind and friendly spirit. This may or may not actually happen. Of course, only if trust is reciprocal, is there actually a "teaching moment" or the possibility of the exchange of ideas, visions and reflections with the reader.

Is this then truly the yearning for many writers, to take the myriad of possible connections of letters, words and sounds to create an experience that invites, instructs, inspires, provokes and invites comparison and assimilation?

Additionally, Steiner surmises that, "To teach greatly is to awaken doubts in the pupil, to train for dissent. It is to school the disciple for departure ("Now leave me" commands Zarathustra). A valid Master should, at the close, be alone."

As we put forward our written words, we may be challenged, ignored, misunderstood or contradicted. But in so doing, we have communicated, given voice to that which is within, which is at one and the same time individual and communal. Writing always entails a risk, an inherent nakedness of our personhood, of our visions. Our exposure is in a form that in many ways we are unable to modulate or personally mentor.

We cannot see the eyes of those with whom we communicate; we cannot notice their change in facial expression or tone of voice as our words come to them. We are not able to explain or correct their interpretation of what we have said. Our words written on the piece of paper or screen live separate from us, but always intimately connected.

This brings me around to my use of the word foible in my last blog post...Foible means, "an odd feature or mild failing in a person's character. In fencing it is the weaker part of a sword blade between the middle and the point."

So if we are to wield our "swords," to grab them by the hilt and use the blade for effective action, we will take our abilities, characteristics, visions, talents, vocations and skills and put them to use. Whether it is by writing or many other of our endeavors, we would be wise to be aware of the weaknesses and foibles, within all of our strengths and abilities.

That which we are best at, that which we excel at or pride ourselves in, in some ways has faults, mild failings within it. These foibles can result in unskillful actions, failures or blindness. But by choosing to act, to take up the sword, we will express our talents, strengths and abilities and so too the faults that are a part of us. 

So if you find yourself a bit intimidated about writing for all to see, you can be "confident" that parts of yourself will shine through in your writing. In sharing your common humanity and the unique expression of yourself, what you write will be a gifted presentation with an invitation to trust and be persuaded. It will also contain the subtleties of your foibles. Your writing amazingly will have its own life, separate from your intentions, as it is assimilated by individuals with wide variations of experiences and world-views.